This Is Not A Scary Thing.

It's not a secret that I've been going through a lot of changes. There are bad things, good things, and things that fall in both categories. Actually, I think all of them fall in the good/bad/ugly category.

In August, my uncle passed away. That was only four months ago, but it still feels like just yesterday.
In July, my father and I stopped speaking, for a multitude of reasons.
In April, my partner of two years and I split up, and even though it was for the best, it sucked. Hard.
On December first, I moved three hours south of where I was to go to big girl college. I'm going to be in school full-time, and will hopefully find a job sometime soon.
So, suffice it to say,

I've been at my new apartment for almost two weeks now, and I'm just now starting to get used to being on my own for the first time. I've always had a roommate (or five), so my room is usually my sanctuary. But now, I have this place to myself. It just all seems so BIG. I'm finally making myself sit in the living room instead of my cave.
My neighbors are pretty cool, except for they run up and down the stairs all night long doing God knows what. Other than that, they stole my girlfriend's bike one night because they were wasted and needed a ride downtown... but they returned it later the next day and apologized. Since Kelsi thought her bike was stolen, we got a new one for her, long story short- now I have a new bike!

It's cool if you're jealous. I would be too. And yes, that is Scully hiding back there.

I don't know why I haven't written in so long. That's a huge lie. Yes, I do. After my Uncle passed away, life stopped for me. Every time I thought about writing, I couldn't pick up a pen, type a word, nothing. I broke up with my girlfriend, Kelsi, I took three out of six weeks off of work, stopped laughing, stopped talking, stopped sleeping, slept too much, stayed in my room, cried at random intervals, and didn't make any effort to see any of my friends.
I was pretty much inconsolable. I still am at times. But it's getting better.
I promised myself that this wouldn't just be about my Uncle Terence, so I'm going to move on from that.

After he passed away, I kind of freaked out. I only had one focus: getting into school. And then I did. Then I had another focus: getting my financial aid. Then I got approved for $14,000 for Winter and Spring quarter. Then it was moving. And then I moved.
And here I am. Bored out of my mind.

This is what I do all day. Go ahead. Judge me.

Kelsi and I have gotten back together, and life is going really well. I start school January 7th, and I can't wait. I just can't help feeling really really really REALLY freaking scared sometimes. I mean, I left everyone and every thing I've known and made for myself for the past six years. Two amazing jobs, my best friends in the entire world, a town I knew like the back of my hand, and a community I know how to navigate.

I then find myself asking my brain some questions:

 Did I make the right decision?

 Am I just running from my problems?

 What are my real reasons for moving?

 Was this a good idea? 

WHAT ARE THE ANSWERS I'M FREAKING OUT

Yes. No. SCHOOL. YES.

Okay, okay. I get it. It's still scary.

I DON'T KNOW ANYONE IN THIS DAMN TOWN! That's also a lie. I know Kelsi, and three or four of her friends, her dad, and her grandma. A bunch of family live only 30 minutes away. So it's not like I'm stuck out in a cabin in the woods all by myself during a zombie apocalypse. But seriously. Compared to not being able to walk down the street in the 'Ham without someone hollering my name, I AM ALL ALONE! 

It's terrifying and amazing, nerve-wracking and exciting, boring and energizing. 

All I do for now is sew, knit, watch endless hours of Netflix, and try to write. This is my first attempt at actually sitting down and writing something since August, and it's not turning out as I hoped. 

I just can't wait for school to start, and to find a job, and to make some friends. 

In the meantime, I have Kelsi, and I have Scully. And I call my mom at least once, if not five, times a day. Good thing she loves me. 

Regardless of all of the things that have happened this year, I came out on the other side. That's the most important part. I'm alive, and doing well, and am starting a whole new chapter of my life. That's what matters.